My first time before the parole board is approaching. I'm beginning to think about what I should tell them and about all I have learned over the past 12 years. One of the most important concepts I've discovered is forgiveness.
All my life, up until about 7 years ago, my understanding of forgiveness was based on the elementary school yard. Someone does something to you physically or emotionally, they say, " I'm sorry", you say, "I forgive you", and you move on. However, you keep an eye on that person and remember how that person has done you wrong.
In society today there is no forgiveness. Not even elementary school yard forgiveness. If you do something wrong to another person they demand justice. They demand punishment. The punishment may be to your person, such as prison, or financial, such as fines or restitution, or it may be all three.
The process of a prison term may last years. Fines and restitution may last years after the prison sentence has served. For the victim this keeps the offence close to the front of their mind. It is always there; the anger, the hurt, the fear, the disappointment. There is never any healing. There is no forgiveness.
I now understand forgiveness is not for the perpetrator, it is for the victim. Forgiveness prohibits seeking justice of any sort. Forgiveness turns the matter of seeking justice over to the one true God. Forgiveness means letting go of the matter and forgetting it.
Once forgiveness is given then healing can begin. The mind can rewire, the heart can heal and begin to trust and love. It is like lancing a boil and squeezing out the poison. Only then can the boil begin to heal, the skin grow new and fresh, ready to take on the world.
Today is September 11th, 15 years after the attack. Sadly, today no one is ready to forgive and forget.
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